Ry and I have been playing NWN (Neverwinter Nights), an on-line game based on D&D.  If you haven't played it, you download modules (dungeons) created by other players.  Some are good; some are silly.  Some are written by 10-year olds and are both good AND silly.

Recently these have been providing a lot of unintentional humor.  Like the module in which my suave, diplomatic paladin was forced to pick conversation lines like "Back at ya, man!" and "Yo, evil dude, whassup?"  Our lastest chuckle-fest is the module of Lost Hope.

It sounded good in the write-up.  Sneak an ancient artifact through a lost dwarven kingdom, avoiding the minions of the Evil Overlord, and deliver it safely to a powerful wizard.  The problem (we discovered, when we began to play) was the names. The Dread Dark Lord was named... Spazz.  The artifact was the "Orbs of Aaahs".  And in order to get into the dwarven mines, we had to find keys that were dropped down a bottomless pit called... I forget what.  It wasn't quite "The Cracks of Doom". More like "The Crevice of Misfortune."

Retrieving keys from a bottomless pit sounded like quite the chore... until an NPC explained that the Crevice of Misfortune wasn't really bottomless.  It was just kinda deep.  And it had a stream at the bottom, which had washed all the keys out into a local canyon, where they'd been picked up by random orcs, greedy adventurers, small children and stray dogs.  Our job was to find said key-holders and convince them to relinquish their keys.

So we start doing this, and it's an okay module.  Though every time Spazz gets mentioned, we choke on our Pepsi.  And then, about halfway through the game, life took a turn for the surreal.

I was playing a ranger, Ry a rogue.  I'm standing outside the general store, waiting for Ry to sell our phat lewts, and I spot some chickens wandering around the farm next door.  "Huh," I thought.  "I wonder if animal empathy works on chickens?"  Sho'nuff, I cast animal empathy and BAM!  A chicken joins the party.  Four hit points -- this is one buff rooster!

The chicken proceeds to run around with me, cracking both of us up.  Every time I stop, he huddles by my ankle and begins pecking for worms.  Miraculously, the chicken manages to survive two minor combats as we travel to the Tomb of the Token, which we believe houses one of the lost keys.

Entering, the Tomb is a big U-shaped corridor around a pit.  We can see some vague, humanoid shape in the distance.  So, of course, we charge it.  Alas, a moment later, we realize what we're running at.

"LICHE!" shouts Ry.  The liche begins to chant.

"Death spell!" I squawk.

Thud.  Thud.  "Sigh.  Re-load," Ry grumbles.

Take Two.  We come in more cautiously, hovering near the exit as we discuss strategy.  We're not sure we're mean enough to take the liche, who's wandering back and forth at the edge of the screen.  We're stymied... when all of a sudden, something shoots past me at light speed.

It's the chicken.  I forgot to take him off "aggressive" mode -- so he went postal the moment he spotted the liche.  Turning, I see that my bear companion and summoned dire boar are also charging.  Ry and I stand back and wait to see what happens.

As the menagerie nears the undead lord, they hit the edge of the liche's fear aura.  Immediately the boar and bear turn tail and flee.  But not the chicken.  The chicken makes his save, rounds the corner and bears down on the liche.  Liche chants.  Woom woom woom... death spell.  Circle of death, no less -- an area of effect spell.

And once again the chicken saves.

Now he's on top of the liche, and he launches himself into the air, pecking visciously at the liche's dried-up eyes.  The liche swats at him and misses.  The chicken goes for the jugular again.  Ry and I begin laughing hysterically.  By now, the liche is clearly rattled, and he pulls out his big guns.  A moment later, to our shock, time freezes.  "Time-stop?"  Ry sputters.  "Time-stop?!?  How the hell are we supposed to kill something with time-stop?"  As time stands still the liche chants... and five uber-deathly spells rain down upon the chicken.  Horrid wilting.  Life drain.  You name it.

This time, alas, Clucky buys the farm.  So do the bear and the boar, who caught the tail end of the spells.  As they drop, the liche turns towards Ry and I.  We promptly flee out the front door.

So there we are, sitting on the steps of the Tomb of the Token.  "How are we going to take something that has ninth level spells?" I moaned.  "HAD ninth level spells," Ry says, with a speculative gleam in his eye.  "Big Bad just blew a lot of his deadliest spells on that chicken.  He can't keep that up all day.  Now if we could just get him to blow some more..."  At that point I look at the land around us, and start laughing.

We're in Bambi-Ville.  An idyllic forest setting, where scores of peaceful badgers, deer, and birdies wander with no fear of men.  All of them just itching to be my new bestest animal buddy...

Thus began the Siege of the Tomb of the Token.  We grabbed as many summoned animals and animal companions as we could.  Stepped inside.  Sic'd 'em on the liche.  And fled outside the moment the liche dispatched our fuzzy comrades.  Rinse and repeat, as necessary.

Turns out Big Bad had an awful lot of spells, so this took awhile.  However there did finally come a point when Ry said, "Hey, he just shot Bambi's Mom with Melf's Acid Arrow [a measly second level spell].  I think we can take him now."  And, indeed, he was right.  The liche magic missile'd us a couple of times as we charged, but we spanked him, hard.  Then we looted, said a quick prayer over the grave of Clucky the Wonder Chicken, and headed back to town to sell and save for the night.

Before we quit, however, I had to pay one last visit to the farm where I'd first found my remarkable chicken.  Tonight, when we finally brave the dwarven mines, we will be accompanied by... Bride of Clucky.

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